A fool and his money are soon elected.
Will Rogers

A holding company is a thing where you hand an accomplice the goods while the policeman searches you.
Will Rogers

About all I can say for the United States Senate is that it opens with a prayer and closes with an investigation.
Will Rogers

Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need.
Will Rogers

Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing, and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even.
Will Rogers

All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance.
Will Rogers

America is a nation that conceives many odd inventions for getting somewhere but it can think of nothing to do once it gets there.
Will Rogers

America is becoming so educated that ignorance will be a novelty. I will belong to the select few.
Will Rogers

An economist's guess is liable to be as good as anybody else's.
Will Rogers

An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out.
Will Rogers

An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.
Will Rogers

Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate, now what's going to happen to us with both a House and a Senate?
Will Rogers

And the thing about my jokes is, they don't hurt anybody. You can take 'em or leave 'em - you can say they're funny or they're terrible or they're good, or whatever, but you can just pass 'em by. But with Congress, every time they make a joke, it's a law! And every time they make a law, it's a joke!
Will Rogers

Anything important is never left to the vote of the people. We only get to vote on some man; we never get to vote on what he is to do.
Will Rogers

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
Will Rogers

Being a hero is about the shortest-lived profession on earth.
Will Rogers

Chaotic action is preferable to orderly inaction.
Will Rogers

Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock.
Will Rogers

Diplomats are just as essential to starting a war as soldiers are for finishing it... You take diplomacy out of war, and the thing would fall flat in a week.
Will Rogers

Don't gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don't go up, don't buy it.
Will Rogers

Don't let yesterday use up too much of today.
Will Rogers

Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
Will Rogers

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
Will Rogers

Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.
Will Rogers

Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.
Will Rogers

Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else.
Will Rogers

Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.
Will Rogers

I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.
Will Rogers

I bet after seeing us, George Washington would sue us for calling him "father."
Will Rogers

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
Will Rogers

I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.
Will Rogers

I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.
Will Rogers

I read about eight newspapers in a day. When I'm in a town with only one newspaper, I read it eight times.
Will Rogers

I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
Will Rogers

I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.
Will Rogers

If advertisers spent the same amount of money on improving their products as they do on advertising then they wouldn't have to advertise them.
Will Rogers

If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress.
Will Rogers

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
Will Rogers

If the other fellow sells cheaper than you, it is called dumping. 'Course, if you sell cheaper than him, that's mass production.
Will Rogers

If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later.
Will Rogers

If you can build a business up big enough, it's respectable.
Will Rogers

If you ever injected truth into politics you have no politics.
Will Rogers

If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep.
Will Rogers

In Hollywood the woods are full of people that learned to write but evidently can't read. If they could read their stuff, they'd stop writing.
Will Rogers

In Hollywood you can see things at night that are fast enough to be in the Olympics in the day time.
Will Rogers

Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth.
Will Rogers

It's easy being a humorist when you've got the whole government working for you.
Will Rogers

It's not what you pay a man, but what he costs you that counts.
Will Rogers

It's one of the most progressive cities in the world. Shooting is only a sideline.
Will Rogers

Let advertisers spend the same amount of money improving their product that they do on advertising and they wouldn't have to advertise it.
Will Rogers

Liberty doesn't work as well in practice as it does in speeches.
Will Rogers

Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.
Will Rogers

Make crime pay. Become a Lawyer.
Will Rogers

Never let yesterday use up too much of today.
Will Rogers

Nothing you can't spell will ever work.
Will Rogers

Ohio claims they are due a president as they haven't had one since Taft. Look at the United States, they have not had one since Lincoln.
Will Rogers

On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does.
Will Rogers

One Ad is worth more to a paper than forty Editorials.
Will Rogers

One-third of the people in the United States promote, while the other two-thirds provide.
Will Rogers

Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators.
Will Rogers

Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated.
Will Rogers

Politics is applesauce.
Will Rogers

Prohibition is better than no liquor at all.
Will Rogers

So live that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.
Will Rogers

Take the diplomacy out of war and the thing would fall flat in a week.
Will Rogers

The 1928 Republican Convention opened with a prayer. If the Lord can see His way clear to bless the Republican Party the way it's been carrying on, then the rest of us ought to get it without even asking.
Will Rogers

The best way out of a difficulty is through it.
Will Rogers

The fellow that can only see a week ahead is always the popular fellow, for he is looking with the crowd. But the one that can see years ahead, he has a telescope but he can't make anybody believe that he has it.
Will Rogers

The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf.
Will Rogers

The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, "How is the president?"
Will Rogers

The more that learn to read the less learn how to make a living. That's one thing about a little education. It spoils you for actual work. The more you know the more you think somebody owes you a living.
Will Rogers

The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other.
Will Rogers

The more you read and observe about this Politics thing, you got to admit that each party is worse than the other. The one that's out always looks the best.
Will Rogers

The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself.
Will Rogers

The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them.
Will Rogers

The only way you can beat the lawyers is to die with nothing.
Will Rogers

The schools ain't what they used to be and never was.
Will Rogers

There is no more independence in politics than there is in jail.
Will Rogers

There is nothing so stupid as the educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated in.
Will Rogers

There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on senators.
Will Rogers

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
Will Rogers

Things ain't what they used to be and never were.
Will Rogers

Things in our country run in spite of government, not by aid of it.
Will Rogers

This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.
Will Rogers

This thing of being a hero, about the main thing to it is to know when to die.
Will Rogers

We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
Will Rogers

We can't all be heroes, because somebody has to sit on the curb and applaud when they go by.
Will Rogers

We don't seem to be able to check crime, so why not legalize it and then tax it out of business?
Will Rogers

What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds.
Will Rogers

When should a college athlete turn pro? Not until he has earned all he can in college as an amateur.
Will Rogers

When the Oakies left Oklahoma and moved to California, it raised the I.Q. of both states.
Will Rogers

Why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as well as prohibition did, in five years Americans would be the smartest race of people on Earth.
Will Rogers

You can't say civilization don't advance... in every war they kill you in a new way. Will Rogers

You've got to go out on a limb sometimes because that's where the fruit is.
Will Rogers

There is not a doubt in my mind that if Will Rogers was living today, he would not be a Democrat, and wouldn't be to happy as a Republican.

Okies, Arkies and Kansans forever.